


I Guess Any Thrill Will Do

by raincallsx



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Hand of Fear Coda, Hook-Up, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sex, One-Sided Attraction, Ouch, Period Typical Attitudes, Post-Serial: s087 The Hand of Fear, References to Drugs, UNIT Era (Doctor Who), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:33:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27691445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raincallsx/pseuds/raincallsx
Summary: Years of travelling with the Doctor ended all too abruptly for Sarah Jane. The fallout resulted in a five year tail-spin that her friends had front row seats to.
Relationships: Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart/Sarah Jane Smith, Fourth Doctor/Sarah Jane Smith (one sided), John Benton/Sarah Jane Smith, Sarah Jane Smith/Harry Sullivan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	I Guess Any Thrill Will Do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aceofneverland](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceofneverland/gifts).



> hello lovvies! its m duty to deliver you some content on doctor who day. what better way to celebrate than hurting one of my favorite characters?
> 
> title from hozier's someone new

Walking down the street with so many things tucked beneath her small arms soon became difficult for Sarah Jane. She had too many things- a comment the Doctor had made on occasion. She hadn't thought so at the time, but now had to agree. Finding a pay telephone hadn't been too hard, and she did have a bit of spare change in one of her bags, tucked next to her chapstick tube and her credit stick and the pretty looking rock she had found on Ursa Major Two.

Pushing a few coins into the slot, she chewed on the inside of her cheek as the phone dialed out. Her things sat on the ground beside her in a small pile. She looked like she had just run away from home and only made it a few blocks… which she supposed she had.

She had almost thought that the man on the other end wouldn't pick up. With every ring her breath stuttered in her chest more and more like a stubborn engine not wanting to turn over. But in the end… he did. 

And it saved her.

“Brigadier... Yes, it's quite nice to hear from you as well. I don't suppose I could still call in a favour, could I?”

Sarah Jane had asked him to send up a car to get her back to London. She hadn't any other means to get there herself. The Doctor had left her quite stranded in his leaving for Gallifrey. She was surprised when The Brigadier had said yes, and even more surprised at his insistence to ride with her himself. She shouldn't have been. The pair of them had developed quite a strong relationship in the near four years she had spent travelling with the Doctor. He knew the kind of relationship the pair of them had, and he knew well enough how poorly Sarah Jane would be feeling at the abandonment by her best friend.

He knew the pair of them to be hooligans, always creating just a little too much mischief wherever they went, even in times where it would be deemed inappropriate. In fact, especially in those times and places.

Not having said much over the phone, Sarah had decided she wasn't much in the mood to talk about it. The Doctor was gone, but he was coming back soon enough, she knew he had to. He always came back for her. 

She had found a park bench to settle herself on as the Brigadier and the car made it up to get her. She spent her time with a childrens toy the Doctor had gotten her on one of their more recent stops. It was the sort of game you played to occupy yourself on a long train ride or a rainy day. She held the puzzle contraption between her fingers, duly noting how her pale pink nail polish was chipped in more than one place. She made a mental note to get that remedied when she got home.

Sarah didn't recall much of the time she had waited. When she was hungry, she managed to fish out a few notes to pay for lunch from the nearby chippy. She felt… funny. As if her body was trying to tell her something that her brain had not yet caught on to yet.

She pushed those feelings back down. She had no time to be emotional. She had to make sure she would be alright on her own in this strange town. Not that there was much danger here. It looked straight from a storybook. Peaceful with birds chirping and children laughing in the streets with only the occasional car gone by.

Before she knew it, the sun was near set, and a familiar car was parking itself on the side of the road near her spot. The boys took care of all of her things for her. The only thing they didn't take was the plush owl that had been clutched between her hands for hours now. Her fingers traced over the stitching absently as she sat down in the back of the car. 

The Brigadier had not seemed to know what to do with her. She didn't seem to want to talk about the Doctor. In fact, she seemed to want to talk about anything but that after she had said to him that he would be back again soon enough as she knew he couldn't make it without her there for long.

So they talked about UNIT, what he had been up to, how the other boys were doing. Sarah would be lying if she said she hadn't been wondering how Harry and John were doing. She had been gone for what felt like so long, and keeping in touch with people was very difficult when you were traipsing through time and space with the alien that picked you up from your daily life.

The Brigadier couldn't offer much in the way of emotional counselling, not that she would have asked. She was stubborn like that. She wouldn't want to ask for help, because she knew everything would be alright in the end. It always had been in the past, There was no reason for her to think any different yet. 

All the man sitting beside her could offer was his hand. She silently took it, removing her iron firsted grip on the owl with that hand and allowing the feeling of fingers interlacing with hers ground her mind. It felt as if it had been trying to float up and away. She leaned her head back and drifted asleep after only about an hour into the drive. One of the boys took off his jacket and passed it back to cover her with. She couldn't have been all that warm in that outfit. It was a chilly night.

Everyone who had been at UNIT for any length of time knew Sarah Jane. Everyone liked her. She had one of those personalities. You just wanted to tell her everything, because she made you feel like everything would be okay at the end of the day. She was sharp as a tack, and funny. Her laugh brightened up every room she entered.

More than a few of the men who spent time around her fancied her. It was hard not to. She was lovely. But in this situation, they did just want to make sure their friend was alright. Today she didn't seem much herself, but they knew better than to say anything about it.

As kind of a demeanor Sarah Jane had, they also knew she was not afraid to stand up for herself. They didn't want to give her a reason to.

When they arrived at South Croydon, Allistair gently woke his sleeping friend, whose head had come to rest against the window of the jeep. Sleepily, she made her way into the house. Finding her own bed was all she could manage right now, the owl still clutched in her right hand. She had only set the toy down in order to change into sleeping clothes.The brigadier explained to a more-than-slightly-annoyed Lavinia that Sarah had accidentally fallen asleep in the UNIT research library before she could make it home that day. Lavinia didn't know what to make of it, but it was late and she was tired, so she just nodded and thanked him for delivering her niece in one piece.

Sarah Jane offered him a hug goodnight, which he reluctantly accepted, and he was gone shortly thereafter.

Curling up in her own bed felt foreign to her even now. Was this even her real ‘own bed’ anymore? Her bed was on the TARDIS. It was perfect in every way. Her room there had just felt… right. Like it enjoyed her as much as she enjoyed it.

Sarah Jane closed her eyes and once again pushed the thoughts of the TARDIS and the Doctor away. She was asleep before her head even hit the pillow.

The owl was tucked up under her arm.

  
  
  
  


It was only two days later when she found herself back at UNIT headquarters. She wanted to personally thank the Brigadier, as well as the other boys who had made the journey up to Scotland who she later found out were named Simon and Lawrence, for their time and expenses in retrieving her.

John Benton was there when she arrived, glad to catch up with her. She was in a much better mood today. She was happy to laugh along with everyone's jokes as she waited for the Brig to be done with whatever meeting he was in. 

Walking into his office was comfortingly familiar. Everything there was always the same, neat and orderly. It was nice to know that it was a constant. She had found herself appreciating the constants a little more than usual the past few days.

“Good afternoon Brigadier. It's nice to see you.” She smiled as she crossed the room.

“It's nice to see you as well, Miss Smith.” He replied dutifully, though he was glad to see his friend- especially after all the nonsense he had today with a few of the higher ups.

“I just wanted to thank you for what you did for me the other day, you really didn't have to come up there yourself, you know. But I appreciate it. It was a long day and it was nice to see a friendly face.”

“It was no trouble, especially for someone such as yourself Sarah Jane.”

That made her smile. Twisting her fingers together nervously, she let out a soft breath. He sat at his desk and she sat across from him in one of the uncomfortable stiff chairs. “Well, I thought a letter would be too minor of a thing to convey my feelings with, so that's why I came in person. You see, I wanted to thank you, and also say goodbye.”

“Goodbye? Whatever for?” Suddenly, she had his full attention.

“Well, The Doctor is gone for the moment, he made that quite clear I think. He was the reason I was always here, and as there's no more Doctor, I don't see any reason as to why I should still be hanging around your high security facility.”

The man took a breath. He weighed his options, the last thing he wanted was to see the last of Sarah this day. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at her, her face lined with worry and a bit of tiredness.

“Well I do.”

“You do? What..?”

“You're a journalist, who just got back from a few years travelling. You’re young. You need a job. I happen to have an opening. It's yours- if you want it that is. Press liaison for the facility, how does that sound?”

Sarah shook her head slowly in disbelief, “Allistair-”

“Yes or no, Sarah?”

“Yes.” the word had left her mouth before she knew what she was saying. It put a little smile on her face.

“Alright then, how does starting tomorrow sound?”

“That Sounds just fine to me. Thank You. But… just while I wait for the Doctor to come back. You didn't have to do this, you know?”

“Understandable. And of course I didn't. I like having you around, Sarah. And I know from experience that you are very good at what you do.”

That made her smile. She stood and crossed to exit the office. She stopped as her fingers closed around the doorknob. “Oh, and Brigadier?”

“Yes?”

“Sarah Jane. Thats my name.”

He nodded, maybe out of understanding, or maybe just in compliance, she couldn't tell. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Sarah Jane.”

With that her smile widened, and she exited the office.

  
  
  


\----

  
  
  


Being press liaison entailed two main tasks: the first being covering up and/or spinning any UNIT activity to look appealing to the public while simultaneously covering up the fact that aliens were indeed real and often visitors of Earth, and the second being nosing a way into suspicious looking companies or businesses or organisations that seemed questionable. Sarah Jane was quite good at both of these things. She was naturally intuitive and reading people was easy. She knew what belonged on earth and what didn't.

The click of heels against concrete floors echoed through the quiet halls of the UNIT bunker. Sarah Jane was making her way into her office which was conveniently situated near enough to her friends, which they insisted wasn't their doing, but Sarah Jane knew better.

There were a few files tucked in one arm, holding them close to her chest, and in the other hand was a thermos of coffee she had brought from home. 

Lavinia was pleased to have Sarah back from ‘travelling with school friends.’ Sarah Jane, well, she didn't like to think about it, occupying her mind and time as much as possible in the moments she had to herself. The few times she had let herself think about how she truly felt about the Doctor leaving, she found herself numb with the anticipation of his return. It couldn't be a futile hope- it just couldn't. 

She passed Harry a few feet before she was at her office door, and her face turned from a solemn grimace to a smile that was bordering on flirtatious. Harry had been a light in the darkness of the state of her mood this past week. He returned her look with a soft “Good morning, old girl.”

“Good morning Harry..” She nearly hummed.

And moments later he was past her and down the hall. She reached her office door, which was identical to all of the others aside from the number 13 posted on the wall beside it. Switching items around her hands, she pulled out her keys and unlocked the door.

The day went by in a dull sort of blur. Nothing major had happened in the past week, mostly just rearranging files and drafting up stories to be pulled when necessary. Lunch was spent with the boys as usual. They got a few laughs and stories out of her as they sat around a small table in the break room. 

Towards the end of the work day, there was a sharp knock on her door, to which she got up to see what the fuss was about. Turns out, it was a bit of a tradition for many members of the staff to go out to the local pub for drinks after work on friday nights. She was being invited.

“Thank you, John, but I'm alright. I don't quite think that's my crowd.” She forced a smile. In all honesty she didn't think she could do much more socialising that day, no matter how appealing the thought of a night of drinking sounded.

“Sarah Jane, you need to have some fun,” he encouraged “besides, you do belong. You  _ are  _ our friend after all. Come on, just this once!”

Studying his face, she narrowed her eyes, before nodding, a small smile forming on her lips. He was right, just this once, how bad could it be? “Alright then, I'll come along.”

“Good-o,meet you in the car park after work with the rest of us?”

“I’ll be there. I'll see you in a while then, John.”

The last half hour of the work day seemed to rush past in no time at all. Sarah found herself touching up her makeup in the little compact mirror she had in the top drawer of her desk, smiling to herself a bit as she did so.

It seemed she was the last to arrive to the group, smiling as there was a chorus of people cheering her name. It was her close friends, as well as two of the secretaries, and three soldiers she wasn't very familiar with. It was still a little strange to her to not have Yates around with the rest of the group, but he was still on his “temporary leave” after the hypnotism incident. They soon all split off, driving to the pub in their respective cars.

Drinks went down easy, and it was the first time Sarah felt herself having actual 𝑓𝑢𝑛 in the past week. Bay Breezes going down like water making her giggly and excitable. She had found that through the night, the person she had most wanted to talk to was Harry.

He knew best how she felt after all. They had both been travelling together, even if Sarah Jane’s feelings and circumstances were different, he knew a thing or two about readjusting. She was still insistent that this job was only temporary as the Doctor would come back for her soon enough.

As the night grew older, Sarah Jane found herself keeping up with the boys as much as she could. Cigarette smoke filled the air and her lungs intermittently with the sweet beverages she was knocking back.It became obvious to her that she would need to phone a cab.

Just before she could, though, she found a Mr. Sullivan chivalrously offered her a ride home, which she gratefully accepted. He hadn't been drinking as much as everyone else, and wanted to see her home safely. He was still so very kind to her, walking her to her front door and everything. The front light was off, making Sarah Jane recall her aunt was in Prague for the weekend. She found herself lingering at the door with Harry for a little while, finishing up the conversation before she turned to go inside. 

Just as her hand clasped around the handle of the door, she turned to face him again. 

“Harry I-”

He kissed her then, short and quick, leaving her wanting for more. She was about to speak when she was cut off by the look on his face. It mirrored the one he supposed she had been giving him all night. There were no words left to say that night. Harry was good company, and she felt lucky to have him. She wasn't a stranger to the feeling of hands on her waist like this, but it had certainly been a while.

By daybreak, her head was pounding, but at least she had the warmth of the body in the bed beside her.

Friday nights with her friends became a weekly tradition, but the person she woke up with, well, that wasn't traditional in the least.

\----

It had been about four months working at UNIT, spinning stories and getting her name out there before she realised it. Of course, it had been a looming truth for months now, just one she hadn't wanted to acknowledge.

He was gone.

  
  
  


Gone.

  
  
  


gone…

A revelation Sarah Jane had as she sat in the breakroom beside John Benton, causing her hands to ball into fists and her breathing to become erratic. What was she doing? She couldn't cry here. Not at work, not like this. 

But she couldn't help herself. The Doctor really was gone. He didn't need her. It Felt like she needed him. He wasn't waiting with a bag packed and left in the closet by the front door like she was. He was a Time Lord. He was so much more than she could ever be. If he had wanted her, if he had cared for her, if he had loved her the way she did him, he would have been there. 

So she did not know how, but she found herself in her friend's arms, her face pressed into his sternum as she wracked with sobs, frustrated and devastated and feeling so many things she couldn't put into words. Every little thing she had pushed back in the weeks prior coming at her like a tsunami, slamming into her with too much force and debris for her to hold her own. 

John pulled her into his office soon thereafter. Offering her his handkerchief and water and a place of privacy. He had always been better with words than most. He soothed her worries and fears with his typical kindnesses and affirmations as well as… a little more. 

She was lucky to have him.

\----

Six months in, her behavior slowly grew more concerning. She found herself in clubs on the weekends. What else was she supposed to do? She didn't need any man, or alien for that matter, tying her to one spot and keeping her from having a good time. It was a scene for someone of her demographic- a pretty woman in her twenties, with enough money to buy the right clothes, the right drinks, the right drugs. Someone with nothing to lose.

Nights were long or short and blurred together, but she couldn't find it in herself to care. Harry was gone now, stationed in a UNIT base in some country that started with A, she couldn't recall. Off doing more important work than fooling around with her and the other boys. She let him go too. She wasn't going to be the one to hold anyone back from being successful. Lavinia grew more concerned about her niece spending less time at home, but she didn't know what to say, so she said nothing.

\----

It was five months after that when it started to interfere with her job. She would go out on weeknights, coming in with concealer caked on under her eyes and ever growing mugs of coffee. Her writing grew lazy, repetitive. Tired. 

The Brigadier wasn't too pleased with these developments at all. Mainly because of how much he saw his friend hurting. She was travelling for the job a lot more now, too restless to stay in one place for long. So more often than once or twice he found himself outside of a club in some no name town or big city, pulling Sarah out by the scruff of her neck and yelling at her for being so reckless with herself.

She yelled back that he wasn't one to talk, when he was leaving his second marriage because he couldn't keep it together to have a steady home life.

He let her jab at him if it kept her from doing something worse than that. He would bring her home, or put them up in a hotel if need be. Some nights they barely got any sleep at all because they spent the whole time in a screaming match about this or that. Others the two of them could barely stand the sight of one another, and the rest varied from everything between being pressed against the wall and companionable silence.

\----

She found herself growing sick of it all, months later. Her nose hurt a lot now from the blow, and it was a rare occurrence that her stomach or head was aching unbearably. Numbing herself turned into an unwanted desire, from which she wanted to be free of again. So, finally she got herself cleaned up, went to rehab, feeling much better to have everything flushed from her system even if those first few weeks were like hell.

The boys kept an eye on her, making sure she was getting the support she needed, because they were the only ones that understood. It was hard for her to say the word aloud, but she got there eventually. “Help” for being such a little word, was excruciatingly hard to say. John and Allistair looked at her no differently than before. Maybe a little more hopeful.

So at her first week back on the job full time after her vacation due to her recovery, she found herself being called into the brigadier’s office. He smiled at her as she sat down across from him. Her eyes were bright and the smile on her face looked more genuine than he had seen in months. Her clothes were new, nicely pressed. She looked like herself.

“Sarah Jane,” his voice was warm, full of a fondness that had been ever steady in their long friendship.

“Good morning Alistair.” her response was just as nice.

“How are you finding things? Alright? You know if it's all too much we can adjust your hours.”

“Everything is wonderful, actually. I feel… okay. Really okay for the first time since, well, since Scotland.” 

“You don't know how pleased I am to hear that.”

“Thank you, Brigadier. For all of it. For all of your help.”

“It wasn't a problem in the least, Sarah Jane. Now, before I let you go, there were a few things I wanted to tell you.” She looked a bit perplexed at that, but made no movements to leave her seat. He continued, “I don't pretend to know what happened between you and the Doctor. What I do know is how much it hurt you. Watching you spiral out and not intervening sooner was a mistake that i regret making more than anything else. I'm glad to see you healthy, but I do wish it could have happened sooner for you than it did. But I want you to take a thing or two from an old man such as myself. This time in your life doesn't define you. You are not your mistakes. You learn from them, and you better yourself because of them. I'm sure you've learned a good few lessons from this all. I know you, Sarah Jane, and that means I know how wonderful of a woman you are. You're smarter than you give yourself credit for, you are unbelievably kind, and you are a spectacular journalist. Take your own advice, and don't let any man ever define you, nor any mistake. Understood?”

She sat there in quiet contemplation for a moment before smiling at him. She never knew he had such a way with words. “Understood.”

“Good, now, onto business…”

\----

As the next few weeks passed, she found her footing. Her work got better and better, and by the year's end, she got a job offer as a reporter for one of the largest papers in the country. With everything the past few years had brought her gone by, Sarah Jane decided it was time to move on. 

So she did.

Leaving her friends behind wasn't easy, but they still met every odd weekend to catch up. She had taken Allistair’s advice. She had learned from everything she had gone through, and made herself better. She never let her past define her. She didn't need to live in the Doctor’s shadow, because she was a blazing light of her own. She lived in nobody’s shadow. She never would. 

While working for the paper, she never did give up protecting the Earth from aliens. Writing became her solace- going as far as publishing some ‘science fiction’ novels. Her name grew more and more big because of it for a little while. She reached out to anyone and everyone that the Doctor left behind, letting them know that there was someone out there who understood their pain, their confusion, and that she always had an open door. 

She travelled so much for work for about two decades before she found it in herself to want to settle down somewhere. So, in the late nineties, she found the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood for her and her robotic dog, and soon after her son Luke (who had almost received the name of the two men who had helped her most). 13 Bannerman Road always had its door open to those in need. She never stopped helping people. In fact, she became freelance in her work just to be able to help people more than she had been.

The after effects of the Doctor leaving her behind never fully left her, but they made her stronger. Sarah Jane didn't think she would have it any other way.


End file.
